23. In some ways, parenthood is kind of liberating
When you think of a typical liberated woman, you probably don’t think of a parent, because our idea of parenthood is that is tied down by a perfect storm of responsibilities. But in my experience, there is definetely some hidden liberating aspects of parenthood, that has kind of surprised me.
- People give you the benefit of doubt
If you are late for something, get out of bed late at your mom’s house, if you have a stain on your clothes, if you are tired, or if you forget things, and you are a parent, people will look at you, say “The baby?” and forgive you. And it is kind of astounding, because childless people could have just as good an excuse, but they are often assumed to be irresponsible by default.
2. You are assumed to be a good person (unless you parent “bad”)
Recently, in my country, a young woman was arrested and faced years of prison time for inciting a violent mob to be violent towards the police and commit destruction of property. There was a public outcry, because she was a mother. Being a parent, makes you more innocent in the eyes of others, the only exception being if you act like a “bad” parent. A childless woman who is excited about sex, or who has alternative sexual tastes, is often seen as depraved or corrupting. A mother is seen as weird, at worst (providing it isn’t seen as potentially harmful to children).
3. You get a break from some of the pressures of the performance society
Having a child is a role, a success, that is very difficult for others to take away from you. It is not like a career where you constantly have to prove your worth, to keep it. You are still a parent if you lose your job, your business fails, you retire, or you get divorced. Having some part of your identity that is unerasable, is a comfort in a society that is heavily focused on constant competition.